This page is notes for chapters 34 & 35 –
Take-Allow and Serve-Accept with the option to include the Genitals
– in the book, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent.

Chapters 31-39 are not in the original book.
They can be purchased here.

More notes from other chapters here.

How to Make a Girl Come

How to Make a Girl Come was the name of an eBook written by a colleague, Carlin Ross. She told me it was not because she thought that was the right question but because that was what people entered in Google. In fact, it’s one of the most common search inquiries.

There are so many problems with that! First, “make” a girl come? Would you want to force a person to orgasm if they didn’t want to? Second, do you believe that’s your job, or is it because that’s what you want to see?

A far more useful skill would be how to create enough space so that a person can respond however they like and can orgasm if, when, and how they choose to.

But this makes for too long a book title.

Quotes

I see power dynamics being ignored or exploited in professional and personal intimacies, when we are not clear about what will happen during a date, an erotic massage, an educational experience, or any relational contract involving sex, and when we don’t stick to agreements. When we are under the influence of touch and our longing for belonging, we are neurologically opened, and we can easily agree to – or even ask for – something we don’t feel in integrity with the next day. Adding more intimate touch than we have agreed to explore during a session or a relationship agreement can lead to nonconsensual interactions. The pain of such interactions is exacerbated when we don’t create safe-enough holding environments of caring connection with aftercare.
– Caffyn Jesse

Resources

In the Accepting lab, the concept of the ladder and the steps I learned from my first erotic teacher, Isa Magdalena.

eroticmassage.com: Videos from Joseph Kramer and friends, founder of the Body Electric School. Very graphic.

Jaiya’s books: Red Hot Touch, Blow Each Other Away, and more.

The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy and Arousal – a video course with Cyndi Darnell

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

And a few others on the Sex Chapter notes.