Acts of Love and Profession

Actions of love that end up being disappointing

My partner and I were having sex as he suddenly stops and affectionately starts hugging me. My initial reaction is disappointment but I accept his love and affection. I had just taken a Wheel of Consent course though so I gathered courage and asked him “Who is this for?” He says that it’s for me because he loves me. But his real motive was that he needed a break. I’m so glad we clarified it because then I could ask for what I wanted and get the love I wanted while my husband happily got his break at the same time as he could give something to me.

Revolutionizing the touch based therapies

The Wheel of Consent is groundbreaking (a foundation) in my work as a Body Therapist. My classic massage clients don’t worry about my experience when I massage them and we are in the Serve-Accept Quadrants. It’s established that a classic massage is not meant “for both of us to enjoy” and that I’m doing my job.

In my role as a Cuddle & Pleasure Therapist in which clients are allowed to touch me there is confusion though. When clients are in the Taking Quadrant they start to worry about my pleasure even though it’s still my job to put them first and be in the giving role. Up until we had the Wheel of Consent our strategy to create consensual relationships were to play it safe and try to make a situation where “it’s for both” whenever the dynamic is Take-Allow. But it never was safe this way. Instead it caused many misunderstandings and crossing of barriers that we now avoid by applying the Wheel of Consent in our touch professions. (Those of us who have embodied the Wheel of Consent know whose desires we put first and that we are responsible to attend to our limits.)
I pass on the gift of the Wheel of Consent to my clients, my kids, my friends and my is heart filled with gratitude for this revolutionary model that changes life as people dive into and embody it.

• Sofia